...serendipity...

this is for you connor...

2011-12-11T21:58:00.001-07:00

caitlin's mission call is here...

love you much, son.

maybe...

2011-12-10T09:16:00.001-07:00

maybe it's because i have one just called. maybe it's because i have one already out there. maybe it's because i have the possibility of two more waiting in the wings. maybe it's just because this message carries with it the real truth of why they do what they do, {all 54,000 of them} - finding the one; even when that one may appear to be the most unlikely of ones, and doesn't even know they are lost.

whatever the reason, this was the perfect way to begin my saturday morning...

with the spirit. and a good cry.

even the lord can't say no to her...

2011-12-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

while she worked hard to tune her desires with those of the lord, she was really hoping and praying to be sent somewhere cool and exotic - and not necessarily...here, stateside. by thursday, she had accepted that where ever she was called to serve, it was of the lord and would be fine with her, even if it was boi... well, we won't mention any names. but she couldn't hide her relief when she opened her call thursday evening and read that she would be serving in the....

ARGENTINA SALTA MISSION!

she reports april 25th, 2012.

she is thrilled, and nervous, and excited, and all of those many other things that come with pursuing the unknown. but above all she is confident and at peace that this is what she needs to be doing with her life at the moment, and feels blessed and honored to be entrusted with the wonderful people of argentina.

we love you, caitlin.

and with the click of a button...

2011-11-17T18:32:00.001-07:00

the first submission.

this one goes to the bishop - caitlin still has to meet with the stake president before the final recommendation is submitted to the first presidency. she's nervous, and excited, and completely committed to this endeavour; and i'm loving having her back in our ward, sitting beside me in church on a sunday afternoon. our family spot on the pew has felt sort of empty since she started going the singles ward, connor left on his mission, and steven took his spot in the bishopric seats. the arguing over who gets to sit beside me is pretty nonexistent - so that's been a plus - but, as much as i love madeline and liam, it does feel a little lonely with just the 3 of us.

of course i better get used to it, because with any luck, by early next year it'll be just the 3 of us again!

and that's a good thing.

forget the title; let's just get on with the announcement..

2011-10-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

caitlin has decided to serve a

M I S S I O N!!!

while her decision to go seems to be a swift and sudden one, in truth she's been considering (read...suppressing) the idea for a little while now. unbeknownst to the rest of us!

between a seemingly innocent, but i'm realizing now, inspired, conversation tuesday night, and a priesthood blessing from her dad yesterday, the choice was all but made - she just had to say it out loud. and she did...about 5 o'clock yesterday afternoon!

we are so excited, and couldn't be more thrilled - i know we've each been led by the spirit to help her arrive at this decision.

she'll meet with the bishop sunday and get all the paper work started. it's amazing to think that if all goes well, she could have a mission call by christmas! it's kind of blowing my mind that we'll have two children out at the same time!

i'm getting that deja-vu feeling...

didn't we just do this!

we're going hi-tech...

2011-09-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

this is one of my favorite pictures. it was taken at the temple, the day before connor left.
i love his hands: the thought of them blessing the people of oregon makes me so happy.

elder scarlett's mission website is here...

i found this missionary website through another missionary mum. i need to finish updating the photos, and then make a valiant effort to keep it current. i figured since i don't have a lot of the australian family emails, or the american family emails for that matter, this might be a good way to keep you all in the missionary know!

on the left side of the page there's a link to currents letters from connor, and if you click on the "dearelder" link you can actually write to him. there's money on the account - use it. please. just write your letter, click send (to the mission office), and the good people there at the mtc mail center will print and post it for you. eazy-peazy!

the cat's out of the bag...

2011-09-16T18:13:00.001-07:00

on october 1st, the church is kicking off a media campaign in our area...and a few other areas here in the western united states. as part of that campaign, local members were asked to complete an "i'm a mormon" profile. after perusing some of the profiles already posted, and especially after watching most, if not all of the video profiles, i felt more than a little inadequate. those people are so stinkin' cool! i mean, i like myself well enough...but seriously - i'm not one of the most interesting people on the planet. i'm just regular folk! i've never started my own company. i don't restore things. i still have all my limbs, have never lost a child, (misplaced one for a little while once!), and i've never had, or recovered from, some debilitating health crisis! how am i supposed to compete with all that?!

i finally realized i don't have to. and nor should i. the purpose of these profiles is to introduce a whole plethora of "just regular folk" to the gospel of jesus christ, and help bring them to an understanding that they are, quite literally, sons and daughters of god. the god. the same god who made the earth, and the universe, and everything in, on, and around it. that god!

and in reality, doesn't that fact make us all so. stinkin'. cool!

so this is why
i'm a mormon

yes, i do have other children. but they don't send me letters that i can just copy, paste and post...

2011-09-07T23:28:00.001-07:00

HEY EVERYONE!!
Sorry this letter is coming in on Wednesday, but transfers have been crazy!
So I've got some exciting news...I'M A DAD!! (in the mission). I'M TRAINing a new missionary!! =) Crazy, huh?! That's what I said too! But the Lord feels I'm ready to do this, so I can only lean on Him and go in faith. My companion's name is Elder Ketchum, and he is from Goodyear, AZ. - yeh yeh! AZ boys, reppin' in Eugene Oregon!
This week has been literally crazy. Elder Fig and I had been doing work with English and Spanish, but he wasn't called to Spanish speaking...therefore he does not speak it - SO that really opened my eyes to this work, and how the Lord really does take care of us. So we did this thing called missionary baseball - you get your phone, go through it and call everyone single person you don't know on your contact list because it cleans out your phone of people that aren't interested, or numbers that don't work anymore. We've also been tracting a lot...because we have to find the elect! We taught Alma Mendez, and after we were done she goes "Elderes quieren comer?" (do you want to eat?), and we both looked at each other and said, "yes!"...then realized that we have another dinner in 1 hour...haha...so we ate at BOTH appointments! and it was hard! I guess that's why I've gained 26 pounds so far... =/ But, I'm reaching my end goal of 185! =)
Investigators are doing great! Little hard to get them to commit to certain things...like read the book of mormon, or pray, or come to church...but then again, ya know that's just missionary work - the Lord works in his own time. We also had an appointment with Jose Reyes again, and he is so ready to come unto Christ, but he just has to keep reading to Book of Mormon. Then on Sunday we had fast and testimony meeting and i have found that I don't always have to bare my testimony, but that it's nice to hear everyone else's testimonies, and how the gospel has blessed their lives. My testimony has grown so much over this time on my mission. (I don't like to think how long I've been out because it just makes me think of how much little time I have left!)
But anywhooo...back to training...I'm stoked! On Monday all the trainers met at President's house, down in Eugene, and it was so cool so see everyone =) I love Sister Young - she is like my mom with her little quirks - so she is mom on my mission =) (Love you, my real Mom =) ) We got a packet on how to train, and what are some things to do right now in the first 12 weeks of this new elder's mission. Oh...also, I forgot extra clothes at my apartment, so I slept in my suit pants, haha, and then took a run in President's shoes, and my suit pants, and my white shirt! haha...stud i know! =) When the new missionaries came it was so cool! Elder Ketchum and I are now living with 2 other missionaries - Elder Puertas and Elder Bell - super cool missionaries! So Friday we are going to figure out what areas we need, all that kind of stuff. But I'm so stoked to be on a mission!!
I love you all, and hope and pray for your safety.
Have a great week =)
Elder Scarlett

elder scarlett...

2011-07-22T08:25:00.005-07:00

welcome, to the oregon eugene mission...

they all scrub up nicely, don't they?!

connor finally arrived in oregon on june 14th - along with 21 other bold, bright and somewhat bewildered young men. fyi...connor is front and center, standing beside the mission president's wife. doesn't he look so handsome? pres. mcdonald and his wife recently returned home, having completed their tour of duty. pres. young took over the reigns, and after a recent visit with him, connor's official report to us is that he's "awesome!"

connor's first area is salem - oregon's capital. he is loving it there. he says the city is just beautiful, his apartment, which he shares with his companion and two other elders, is pretty nice, and, he assures me, they're all fed really good, authentic mexican food each night by families in the area. he's even put on 10 pounds just to prove it!

his address is:

Elder Connor A. Scarlett

Oregon Eugene Mission

55 West 29th Avenue, Ste. A

Eugene OR 97405

USA

it's easier to just send it to the mission office and they'll forward it, than to try and keep up on his current area address. he'd welcome a letter - and you might even get one back!

this is more like the boys we sent out!

this was on their first p-day - a field trip to the state capital building and assorted other sites of interest.

elder pimental and elder scarlett

oregon grove

july 19, 2011

elder scarlett's most recent update...

(spoiler alert...he had his first baptism!!!)

HEY EVERYONE!!

This week has been so awesome! Ok, so for p'day last week we cleaned our apartment and hung out and just had a chill p'day. But since then we've been teaching and talking to a number of former investigators, and lots of other people - so that's good! =)

On Wednesday we had a combined District meeting and that was awesome, cause our new mission president was there and we really learned a lot about how to plan our days better, and how to just be better better missionaries. =) We also had personal interviews with him and his wife about our lives and about what he wants us to accomplish =) Pres. Young is great, and so is his wife!

So mostly this week we just did our best to teach people and everything - then on Saturday...we had a baptism for Gohan, the 9 year old boy we've been teaching. Sadly, his dad could not baptize him - so i did!! It was so, so, so aweseome! i loved it! =) Then, on Sunday, my companion, Elder Pimentel confirmed him, and gave him the gift of the Holy Ghost. Other good news - we also set a date for Mario Maciel to be baptized on the 30 of July! Setting a date for an investigators baptism always feels good! I am loving my mission so far. =) Transfers are coming up soon - it's already been a month since i got here - the time goes so fast, its crazy!! But ya other than that... nothing too exciting...

Love you all.
Have a great and safe week.

Elder Connor Scarlett

prom 2011...

2011-05-07T21:04:00.007-07:00

the theme for the evening was

"putting on the ritz"

madeline and colin played the part very well.

very ritzy.

very ooh la la...

madeline and colin

{her junior prom. his senior prom.}

may 2011

it was just a matter of time...

2011-05-05T22:41:00.011-07:00

from this...

...to this.

and from this...

...to this.

and this...

hey everyone,

this week was so great! I love singing in the choir. even tho i can't sing its still fun to learn and try, haha!

well the TRC(training) was cool - we took a family to church and they had questions about the church, and ya, then we taught them about the plan of salvation and for them to get baptized but they want to know some more stuff before they do. i have been getting pretty good at spanish - not gonna lie! haha, and i have been reading like crazy... trying to get as much knowlege as i can before i leave here =)

my district, or group of missionaries, are so good to me and we keep each otehr in line =) love my teachers and i meet new people everyday. i met an elder that is going to my mission, spanish speaking, and i gave this random elder a hug... haha =)... casue i knew we are going to be companions. haha.

well today is p-day and we just got back from the temple. Nothing else really interesting - just learning and studying as best that i can. i am also trying to make it work with my companion because i love him, but... he just needs to relax! haha but whatever - i'm happy. i finally realized that i am here for a reason, and i am slowly starting to figure out what that reason is.

thank you to all of you for your examples you are to me!!

love you all,

Elder Scarlett

and just in case you feel inclined to drop him a line...

he'll love ya for it!

and we lived after the manner of happiness...

2011-04-18T22:04:00.012-07:00

i have a hand and you a have another...

put them together and we have each other.

and lest we get too, too carried away with the lovefest...

{thanks, to michele flamm for these wonderful memories}

romans 10:15...

2011-04-14T19:42:00.001-07:00

"and how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written,

how beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace,

and bring glad tidings of good things!"

Elder Scarlett...

2011-04-12T18:32:00.008-07:00

"And whoso receiveth you, there will i be also, for i will go before your face.

I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts,

and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

D&C 84:88

{a larger version is available on my facebook.}

my cup runneth over. and over. and over...

2011-04-11T20:18:00.011-07:00

i don't even know where to begin.

it's a rare moment - but i am having trouble expressing what i've been feeling these past few months. words and thoughts run through my mind like a hamster on a wheel. constant. tireless. somewhat frenzied at times. they sense the outside world, wanting to make their presence known, but at the first sign of escape they withdraw - suddenly all too comfortable with the familiarity of their surroundings. undeterred, i type a few words...only to find myself tapping the delete key, like i'm sending some desperate s-o-s. i take another stab at it. pause for reflection...this time applying a more steady, even pressure to the deletion process - perhaps as a symbolic attempt at peace and calm.

i'm not sure what it is. maybe some things are too sacred, and i'm not supposed to share them. sometimes, by sharing the countless blessings i feel we've received since connor put in his mission papers, i fear i'd be bragging, or pouring salt on someone elses open wound - there are so many, so much more worthy than us, facing challenge after challenge. sometimes...i just don't know where to begin.

but my heart is so full; it's like a dam ready to burst it's banks after a downpour. the windows of heaven have indeed opened, and i have hardly room enough to receive it all in. i need to find the release valve.

in 24 hours connor will be set apart as an elder. ordained to share the gospel of jesus christ, for the next 24 months, to all who will listen. in less than 48 hours he'll enter the missionary training center where, over the next 9 weeks or so, he'll learn how to do it in spanish. he is excited and eager. he is on pins and needles. he's scared. he's trusting. he is full of faith. while i've loved him all my life, i love him all the more now, because of his willingness to step forward, amidst the fear, and do what he knows the lord requires of him. it was a decision he came to for himself, and for that i am prouder still. the adversary is real, and he has wasted no time in making his presence known. he has tried his hardest this past while to dampen the enthusiasm and increased spirit that has brightened our home and family - it's doubtful he has the notion to back off any time soon. but his efforts have been in vain. i'm compelled to admit it hasn't all been sunshine and happiness around here. i'll admit it's been one grueling, spiritual workout; but it's been one that has only proven to strengthen our family's faith and resolve to trust the god who has never been anything but good and gracious to us. and i am highly doubtful that he has the slightest notion of backing off any time soon.

and for that, i am eternally grateful.

ok. last one...

2011-03-11T18:03:00.001-07:00

Reality Check…

By Sharon Scarlett

Imagine if...

the world was square

Would life’s wild, ride be any bumpier than it is already

Imagine if...

cats and dogs decided to get along

Would we follow their example and try a little harder ourselves

Imagine if...

the ocean waves refused to roll

Would we appreciate the calm without the chaos

Imagine if...

men became the birthers of babies

Would the words brother and sister suddenly become obsolete

Imagine if...

I hadn’t found you

Would you still be searching for me

Imagination is all good and well

But I’ll have to keep my reality

Since life without you would be unimaginable

toby...

2011-03-05T20:54:00.014-07:00

this afternoon i stole the baby from next door. i told his mama i would take him for a while so she could get a few things done, but in truth i took him for purely selfish reasons. what little light of day that remained wasn't really conducive to taking pictures, but i how could i not. seriously. how?.

haiku-ka-choo...

2011-02-28T16:56:00.007-07:00

haiku |ˈhīˌkoō; ˌhīˈkoō|

noun ( pl. same or -kus )

a Japanese poem of seventeen syllables, in three lines of five, seven, and five, traditionally evoking images of the natural world.

#1 - something from nature

waves chomp at the shore

devouring sand and children

forever hungry

...

#2 - something about ourselves

wife and mother shared

trying to keep in balance

success seems fleeting

...

#3 - something of our choosing

winter sun come in

warm the spot by the window

i'll go fetch my book

this is what i did tonight in lieu of dishes and laundry...

2011-02-23T23:26:00.010-07:00

delicate sensibilities

by sharon scarlett

honesty is heard

in the desperate, 2 am squall of a newborn;

hungry and cross,

not yet convinced

that this new world of hers

can really hold up to the whispered promises

of eager young parents.

naive, and

full of hope.

honesty is felt

in the hands and heart

of the weary young mother as she deftly

raises the infant to her chest,

gently brushing a cheek back and forth

across the black, velvet down of the babies head,

her heart stretching easily,

willingly,

all the more widely,

to accommodate the breadth of this newly found

love affair.

honesty is the soft scent

of newborn skin.

laundered and lotioned.

powdered and primped.

a hint of her mama’s perfume resting gently upon it,

soft and soothing as an old, worn blanket.

honesty is in the nibble

of each ear, and every finger and toe.

in the kiss of every crease.

it’s lost in every nuzzle of her neck,

and found with each peck on her pink, plump lips.

their flavors combine. sweet and pure as sugar cane.

the young mother just can’t get enough.

smiling to herself she realizes why she can’t lose the baby weight,

and without hesitation decides it’s a fair trade,

and leans in to take another bite of a cherubic cheek.

honesty is seen

in the babe’s clear, bright eyes

as she beams at the sight of her mother’s face drawing near.

she stretches, a soft coo escaping through the hint of a smile.

disinclined to resist,

she quickly gives herself over to the love

found in the clear, bright eyes shining back at her.

mother and child,

lives eager.

ever hopeful.

full of promise.

we're doing poetry again...

2011-02-18T20:51:00.008-07:00

if i were in charge of the world

by sharry

if i were in charge of the world?

i'd make the years last twice as long, so they wouldn't pass so quickly.

10 am would be the new 6.

and babies would know how good they've got it and show their appreciation by sleeping through the night.

if i were in charge of the world?

there'd finally be world peace,

and all the beauty contestants would have to come up with something else to do with their lives.

there'd be love, and kindness, and patience enough to go around. even for beauty queens.

and cheerleaders.

if i were in charge of the world?

you wouldn't have to work nights, or weekends. or maybe even at all.

you wouldn't have to worry about knowing how to say the right thing when life goes a little awry. you'd just know.

you wouldn't even mind what you see in the mirror each morning. in fact, you'd love it -

or at the very least be able to laugh at the irony, that in a perfect world...

you are perfection personified.

if i were in charge of the world.

it's official. really...

2011-01-07T22:38:00.007-07:00

elder connor alexander scarlett

has been called to serve his mission in the

Oregon Eugene Mission

Spanish Speaking

he reports april 13, 2011

congratulations connor.

we love you, and are so proud of you.

the spoils of the eleventh hour...

2010-12-29T22:36:00.013-07:00

i've noticed that i tend to live my life by the adage - if you can't be a good example, then be a dire warning. i've gotten pretty good at it too.

this is what happens when things are left until the last possible moment. it's been years since we've had an actual, real family photo taken. we've had ample opportunity, but little in the way of compelling motivation. until now. with my little band growing, and beginning to part ways, it was now or never. well, now or not for another 2 years, anyway. our window of photographic opportunity was somewhat narrow. we had to squeeze in a photo-op somewhere between caitlin getting her braces off tuesday afternoon, and her leaving for hawaii at the crack of dawn friday. between one thing and another, we were left with about an hour and a half late this afternoon. which would have been fine...except for the fact that it rained. all. stinkin'. day! we were therefore relegated to inside, on the couch, using a flash - with me setting the timer, then racing to get in position.

so murphy's law notwithstanding, here we are.

connor {18}, sharon, steven, caitlin {20}

madeline {16} & liam {12}

...and our very own awkward family photo

speaking of which...

2010-12-29T09:11:00.001-07:00

how's this for awesomely awkward?

or this,

or these beauties...

simply stunning!

2010-12-23T10:28:00.003-07:00

Merry Christmas

we love and miss you all.

know that we think of you constantly,

and that you are never far from our hearts, or our prayers.

may the lord continue to fill our days with his blessings this coming year,

and may we each be wise enough to recognize them...

in whatever form they come.

with love,

steve, sharon

caitlin, connor, madeline

& liam

family photos...

2010-12-17T20:57:00.013-07:00

caitlin has pulled rank. she refuses to let me to update our family photo until after she gets her braces removed on the 29th. i figure we've waited 5 years already, another couple of weeks won't kill us. of course, getting just the right shot can be hard. making sure we're all looking in the same direction, at the same time is the easy part - nowadays, it's all about co-ordinating outfits, finding the right pose, should we do studio or head for the outdoors. themed or not themed? since we've got some time, i hopped on the internet looking for inspiration. here are just some of the posibilities...

to theme...

or not to theme...should it even be a question?

what about one with just the boys?

or just the girls?

there's the argument for studio...
and the counter-argument for the great outdoors...

because we all know it's about...

location, location, location.

stay tuned...

where's waldo...

2010-12-13T21:53:00.009-07:00

...going?

so his papers are officially "in", and the first of many lessons in patience begins.

i know we're told not to speculate...but lets!

connor is being obedient by not committing himself to anywhere - though he is fully committed to going anywhere.

steven thinks texas - spanish speaking. i'm leaning toward europe - more specifically, eastern. liam says california - based on the fact that steven went to san diego, and to his way of thinking, the sons follow their fathers. caitlin's thinking washington - the one with the space needle. not the one with the white house. madeline thinks canada would be cool, aye...

so what's your guess about where connor might be called to serve?

the future seems bright...

2010-12-09T18:00:00.014-07:00

at scouts the other night the leaders were doing uniform inspections, tossing pieces of candy to those who were appropriately wearing the many different accoutrements that constitute a full scout uniform. for his efforts, steven had managed to secure a couple bits of snack size snickers. being the softy that he is, he kindly gave them too the little boy sittting next to me who was still to young for scouts, and ergo had no chance of earning any of the treats himself. his eyes grew large, and his smile broadened with the realization that both pieces were for him. the little boy sitting in front of us, also hopelessly too young, looked on with a longing that was unmistakable. so unmistakable in fact, that the young man beside me, with not a hint of hesitation, leaned forward and handed one of the pieces to him. the gesture came so naturally that i was impressed. it was the sweetest thing. so simple, so seemingly insignificant.

which is so often the way of our heavenly father. so many times his greatest blessings, his most tender of mercies, come in the most simple and seemingly insignificant of ways. i don't know how many others noticed this little exchange - i think just the three or four of us. the others in the room had their backs turned, their focus and attention elsewhere. they weren't looking for the mini miracle right beside them. which is so often our way.

as this christmas season continues, may we all look a little harder to see the blessings around us. to catch the good in others. to appreciate more, those things that bring a smile to our faces, a lift to our spirits, and relief to our hearts.

and may we return those favors at every opportunity. without a hint of hesitation.

paying it forward...

2010-12-07T19:53:00.007-07:00

i'm a chatty cathy. if you've met me you know this. i come from a long line of talkers. i'll admit that we're a little on the iffy side when it comes to the whole listening thing. but the talking? we ran head long into that gene pool, and swam all the way to the bottom before coming up for breath. in keeping with this ability to share thoughts and opinions, solicited or otherwise, i'm not adverse to striking up a conversation with complete strangers either. nor am i deterred by the fact that i may not "technically" be involved in the conversation around me. after smiling, and deftly reading the body language of those who are involved, i've been known, on occassion, to offer my two cents. or a quarters worth, depending on the topic and speed of the check-out girl. more than a few times, after talking to the lady behind me in the grocery line, or laughing with some random shoulder-buddy while standing in a crowd, my kids have asked me if i knew the person. more often than not the answer is, "no." they just give me that look of, oh. my. gosh!

so. i tell you all of that, to tell you this. sometimes it's a good thing. like in tonight.

while waiting in line at the corner store, i listened as a woman came in all frazzled and asked the clerk if he could help her. she said she had a rental car, a mustang, and had just spent the last ten minutes trying to figure out how to get that little door to the gas tank open. she said she felt kind of stupid, but she'd looked everywhere, in and around the car, trying to find some kind of mechanism, but she just couldn't get it open. now...in my defense, she made eye contact with me first as she said how embarrassed she was, how dumb she felt. of course, i saw that as my cue to help rebuild her self-esteem, and proceeded to share how i'd had the same experience. not with a mustang, mind you - but someone had once lent us their car, and it had taken us about two days to figure out how to get the little door open. as it turned out, i told her, all we had to do was push on it. it released, and voila! popped open. she said she thought she'd tried that, but maybe not. maybe i just pulled on it, she wondered. she and the clerk headed out, and i finished paying for my stuff. curious {read, nosey}, i searched for her as we pulled out of the parking lot. there she was, happily filling the mustang's gas tank. i couldn't help myself; winding down the window i caught her attention, but before i could even ask, she called out..."i just pushed it!"

what can i say. it's a gift, a talent, this ability to talk the leg off an iron chair. and who am i to hide it under a bushel. that's what i'll tell my kids anyway, the next time they ask, "who was that?!"

lou...

2010-12-03T16:47:00.011-07:00

i sat in the parking lot of the school the other afternoon waiting for liam to emerge from wrestling practice. as he rounded the corner, and came through the gates i couldn't help myself. just the mere sight of him made me smile. not a discreet, on-the-inside sort of smile. it was bold. it was broad. it was a from-ear-to-ear sort of grin. the kind that passers-by could see, maybe even wonder about. and then there was his, "hey, mum. watcha doin?", in that changing 12 year old voice. i think i felt the muscles around my heart shift slightly, to accomodate it's sudden growth spurt. with only a minimum of resistence, he let me toussel his sweaty hair, and not even that could lessen my enthusiasm for him. if anything, i loved him all the more.

in the words of buddy, the elf...

i'm in love! i'm in love! and i don't care who knows it!

so, because it's the road less traveled...

2010-12-01T19:40:00.009-07:00

...there were just a couple of things that we forgot to include in connor's original mission packet submission. namely, his missionary picture.

so here's the first impression "the twelve" will get of our boy. not too shabby, huh?

they don't need to know he was wearing his father's slightly-too-big-for-him suit coat on top, and sporting flannel jammies and slippers on the bottom. right?! it'll just be our little secret.

also best kept secret, would be these...

the church is in good hands. yes, siree bob!

joy...

2010-11-28T20:32:00.009-07:00

this evening i spent some time sitting at the top of the stairs with my girls.

we teased the dogs. we teased each other.

we sat, casually chatting and joking and laughing about stuff that would be of little consequence to the rest of the world.

hands down it was - they are - the highlight of my day!

i feel so blessed to be the mother of such wonderful daughters.

the road less traveled. for now...

2010-11-22T20:52:00.019-07:00

connor has been in the process of getting ready for his mission these past few months. he is steadily moving down the increasingly long list of mission to-do's. it seems that anyone who has served, sent, or ever been aquainted with anything missionary, has a thought or idea that seems worthy of being added to the list. though at times overwhelming, i appreciate every bit of help and advice.

so far he's...

found a job
opened a savings account
religiously (no pun intended) contributed to said savings with money earned/sweated for at said job
had all wisdom teeth removed
interviewed with bishop
interviewed with stake president
got the ok for receiving patriarchal blessing
filled out mission papers
faithfully attended mission prep each sunday morning at 7am...even after a late saturday night.
attended temple prep class
reading the book of mormon
had physical
updated immunizations
finished up dental stuff

and most recently...as in tonight...

actually turned in mission papers to bishop!

i know!!! on the outside i'm all like, "oh...cool, lovey." on the inside? i'm all like..."YAAAAAAAA!!!!" it's a crazy, mixed up, rush of emotion.

from here bishop livingston will pass his papers along to president layton, who in turn, will council with connor one last time before giving his final seal of approval, and hitting "send". even though it is thanksgiving week, and the powers-that-be will most likely be spending time with family, enjoying some much deserved rest and relaxation, we're (okay...I'm) hoping that connor's needs will be at the top of their honey-do list, and we can get all this finalizing done this week. if all goes well, connor could potentially have his mission call by christmas.

so, so crazy!

we'll keep you all posted...

not your usual saturday...

2010-11-13T15:09:00.006-07:00

the official groundbreaking for the gilbert temple took place this morning.

while winter should be nipping at our heels, we couldn't have asked for a more glorious day to be sitting in the middle of an open field, surrounded by more than 5000 other folk, soaking in the warmth of the event; a perfect mix of sun and spirit.

it all had a very pioneer-esque feel to it; saints, sitting in the open air, eager to take our very own place in church history, understanding only sightly better than our progenitors the significance to our posterity. we could have gone to the stake building, secured ourselves a place in the comfy seats, and had a perfect view of the speakers and the actual breaking of the ground. i'm not typically one for crowds; my tendancy is to avoid them at any cost, but today i wanted to be there. smack, dab in the middle of it all. i wanted to feel the earth move beneath my feet as it changed from a dusty old wheat field to sacred ground. the spirit didn't disappoint. i admit, there wasn't any physical change to the spot where i sat, but as i opened my eyes after the dedicatory prayer i could sense a quiet and simple spiritual transformation to earth around me. with one unanimous amen, i found myself suddenly sitting on sacred ground. gone was the dirt and weeds - in their place, a rich, firm soil - capable of supporting any and all things the lord might see fit to build or plant there. to be honest, i actually got a little giddy with excitement. i felt like a kid on christmas eve. oh, what a gift!

building will begin almost immediately from what i understand. connor will leave for his mission in a few months. both undertakings will take about two years to complete - i can't help but think there are some parallels in there somewhere!

he asked. she answered. here are the results...

2010-10-23T16:39:00.016-07:00

homecoming

2 0 1 0

{yep. she's still only 16}

colin & madeline

oh...we are in so much trouble.

true to her own sense of style, maddie chose this little piece of bling instead of a

traditional wrist corsage.

and i don't care who you are. those shoes rock!

#147...

2010-10-23T16:30:00.003-07:00

i fell in love with steven for many a reason.

not the least of which would be this.

sophie's three step coping strategy...

ignore

look for a way out

pray for sweet release

emma...

2010-08-14T23:35:00.010-07:00

madeline is taking a digital photography course this semester.
these shots are for her first assignment; to show her style as a photographer.
i was really impressed with the job she did catching the spirit of both photographer and model.

we've known emma since she was just a little, bitty thing. looking at the smiles and sass in these shots, it's hard to believe she is the same little girl who would shyly hide behind her mama's skirt when anyone headed her way.

we love you, emma.

getting my fill...

2010-08-09T14:30:00.013-07:00

the thing is - we don't have enough babies around here. not ones where the mother knows me well enough to drop them off at my house for a day, anyway; just so i can get my fill.

in truth? i don't know if i would ever get my fill.

and really. how can anyone get enough of this?

or the countless variations in which it comes...

ok. i'll stop now...

2010-08-09T13:20:00.002-07:00

one more...

2010-08-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

a thousands words...

2010-08-07T21:26:00.003-07:00

caitlin & connor

{cousins}

the embodiment of perfection...

2010-08-04T19:25:00.023-07:00

let me make the introductions.

this is connor ivan campos.

a great-nephew from the scarlett side of the family.

while he may not have been technically named for his grown up cousin, connor scarlett, i do believe that name association has a lot to do with the yea-ing and nay-ing of given names. i therefore have to admit to a certain sense of pride that connor, sr. has turned out such that the name and it's associations are worth passing on.

this connor arrived about a month ago weighing only 6 1/2 pounds - now he boasts a good 9 pounds, and then some.

as i held him today, and as my girls fussed and fawned over him, it was hard to believe that they were ever that tiny. of course my boys...they were never that little - which is equally hard to believe.

back when i was having babies, especially in the early weeks of bringing home a newborn - whether it was baby no.1 or baby no.4 - steven would come home from work, scan the fiasco that had become the norm in our house, and ask, as lovingly and non-judgementally as he could, "so....whad'ja do today?!" the answer was always unapologetically the same. "laid on the bed and looked at the baby." i just couldn't get enough of them. i was in awe of every sqaure in of them. it never got old.

i love that it never gets old - getting caught up in every face they pull, as if they were the first to ever do it. the counting of fingers, the touching of toes. the feel of their skin, like velvet, soft and rolly under your fingertips; always just a little to big for the body it covers. i love that heavenly father was the originator of the they'll-grow-into-it parental mindset.

and while i absolutely love, love, love their faces...

there is just something about the back of their heads. i don't know what it is. maybe it's the unimpeded path to that little nuzzle spot right under their ears. that sweet spot in the crook of their silky, and often sweaty, little necks. i think my mouth is watering; just a little bit.

newborns - they will forever be perfection personified.

hopefully amanda, his mama, will bring connor back on monday so i can play some more. the little minx wouldn't go to sleep and i wanted to try and get some of those artsy bundled baby shots. we'll see...

and a good time was had by all...

2010-07-19T15:10:00.020-07:00

{here's proof}

madeline

a game of smash ball started out looking like this....

and ended up looking something more like this.

the ethan-ator

liam and austin

aaron and his sand sculpture.

connor skim boarding.

and this is how it's done.

roxy and caitlin

{the end}

we're outta here...

2010-07-10T12:48:00.005-07:00

if you need us we'll be in california doing nothing more than:

sunning

surfing

boogie boarding

skim boarding

smash balling

digging

sitting

talking

laughing

swimming

napping

burning

eating

playing

& reading trashy magazines.

see ya in a week!

2010-06-29T12:54:00.002-07:00

he hit the trifecta...

2010-05-26T22:29:00.015-07:00

this week we attended not just one, not two...but three...1,2,3,...graduation ceremonies celebrating connor's scholastic and spiritual accomplishments.

things kicked off last sunday evening with seminary graduation. as i watched about 45 young men and women stand to be recognised i was so proud that connor stood among them, (and more than a little relieved, (surprised, ssshhh), can i just say). as i watched each one receive their certificate i was reminded of a quote from pres. monson..."stand for right, even if you stand alone." i felt so blessed that my kids, for the most part, don't have to stand alone. i'm thankful that they find themselves more often than not surrounded by so many others who know what they know, and live what they live, even when it's hard.

the festivities continued last night with e.v.i.t. graduation, and his successful completion of a two year fire-science program. connor has worked really hard, and done really well in this vocational studies course. the excitement of the hand-on training never got old for him. the experiences and opportunities offered to him were priceless. well mostly priceless. we did have to pay for a couple of semesters worth of college tuition, but it was worth it. connor graduated high school with about 12 college credits under his belt. he also finished up the course with an A....wooo hoooo!

and then tonight, last, but by no means, least, we had the time-honored tradition of senior graduation. connor, along with 776 of his closest friends, finally did what they've spent the past 12 years working towards; the chance to walk across a stage, have a their name announced to the audience, and then have a couple thousand people proceed to hoop and holler, clap and cheer for them as if they were the first, and only one ever to have achieved the distinction of recieving a high school diploma. ever! and if anyone had done it before, it certainly wasn't with their sense of style, or level of coolness! their excitement was contagious. their relief palpable. there was no way possible not to be swept away by the momentum of the evening. credit where credit is due, i always say. let them eat cake!

connor we are all so proud of you. you are loved so much, not just by your family, but by your friends too. and your friends' parents, i might add. it'll be a little while before you can fully appreciate how it does my heart good to have another parent come up to me and tell me how highly they think of you, how much they love having you in their home, and especially how much they trust you with their own son's and daughter's. i'm proud of you, son. i feel honored to be your mother.

we love you.

congratulations class of 2010...

next stop?

mission!

now there's something to woo hoo about.

fountain of youth, my #$!...

2010-05-23T22:32:00.008-07:00

it's just sick and twisted that my skincare routine the last couple of nights has included the application of anti-aging wrinkle cream in my bathroom, and then a quick sprint across the hall to the kids' bathroom so i can apply zit-zapper to an increasingly conspicuous crater growing on my chin.

sick. twisted. and quite frankly...just plain wrong.

our very own golden boy...

2010-05-11T17:58:00.016-07:00

"look at the camera, son. have your parents see the disappointment in your eyes that this is the only photo commemorating the culmination of your 6th grade accomplishments!"

as i was getting the certificate to download, and writing the snappy retort for the photograph, liam wandered into the loft. upon seeing what i was doing he casually informs me that he didn't really think that much of academic night. and he didn't really get what was such a bit deal about it all. and that it really didn't make any difference to him one way or the other. and that he really could have done with out all the hoopla.

and...cue violins.

i loved him so much in that instant. he was a boy after my own heart.

i told him i was proud of him anyway, and that his dad was proud of him; hoopla or no hoopla. i told him he was a good kid, he had worked hard, and we were just really proud of him. i told him that i loved him. we chatted a little more about other stuff, this and that, he goofed with izzy for a bit, and then it was getting late. after a couple (read 7) reminders that it was bedtime he finally headed that way. on his way past he stopped to kiss me goodnight. with his gentle smile and his hand on my shoulder he said, "thanks for being proud of me, mum. love you. 'night."

and that was that. simple. no hoopla. like most of us, all he really needed was the assurance that those who meant the most to him were proud of his efforts and loved him for them.

and just like that. simple. no hoopla. my heart was his.

say cheese. uhm, never mind...

2010-05-10T20:51:00.014-07:00

the other week we got an actual letter in the mail informing us that our child, namely liam, had reached the academic acheivement of golden scholar. it invited us to a ceremony honoring him and 150 or so of his counterparts for their admirable achievement. the wording of the letter was a sure indication that this was a big deal. it used phrases like, "with great pleasure..." and "earned the distinction...". liam was mentioned by name, not simply referred in the generic form of, "your child". my favorite line, though a little presumptive on their part, was, "you and your child are commended for your exceptional commitment to education." the letter was actually hand signed. in ink. by the principal. not just rubber stamped. not photocopied. clearly this was a very big deal. clearly, it deserved a place of honor on the calendar. a call to the grandparents.

clearly they have no idea who they're dealing with.

we suck as parents. well, to be fair, and more specific, i do.

at around 2:45 this afternoon i had the thought occur to me that lou had his academic thingamajig some time this week. a further thought urged me to check the school website. in a rare moment of clarity and follow-through, i acted on that impression, only to find out that the big event was at 6:15. tonight! hurriedly, i mass-texted steve and the kids to let them know what we would be doing for family home evening.

our/my suckiness continues...
you'll notice there are no accompanying photographs of said child at said event.

given my penchant for procrastination, it turned out i had a couple of places to go and things to do before the ceremony. of course they took longer to complete than i thought so i told steven i'd just meet the family there. as we sat and visited for a few minutes before it all began i realized that we didn't have a camera. not my big one. not the girls' little one. nothing. then, like a voice from the heavens, the announcement was made that one of the p.t.s.o. mothers, one of the good, non-sucky mothers, had volunteered to take pictures of all the honorees. they would all be available for download tomorrow morning. (i did notice that mine was not the only relieved face in that sea of families).

so check back tomorrow night for the official shot. and a bunch of well deserved accolades.

{i sure hope the Lord grades on the curve. it's my only hope}

happy mothers day...

2010-05-09T16:00:00.004-07:00

this morning the primary children wedged themselves into that narrow space between the bishopric/speaker seats and the crowd control wall on each side of the pulpit; each child jockeying for front row. all but the surest being careful to avoid the positions closet to the mike. as parents we looked on smiling, eagerly searching for our baby, already filled with emotion.

this year was the first year in almost 17 years that one of the 100 beaming faces didn't belong to me.

no matter. i still cried.

like i always say. when you're the mother of one, you're the mother of all.

the three fold purpose of senior year...

2010-05-08T20:14:00.014-07:00

attending senior prom,

ending the year with some serious style,

and having the prettiest girlfriend.

I guess that means you got 100%, connor.

good job, honey!

and all this time i thought it was

academics,

study,

and getting good grades.

silly me.

the date...

2010-05-08T16:46:00.014-07:00

we've got...

the girl...

the details....

the completed package.

and then of course the hardest part...

the waiting...

until finally...

the date.

did we mention it's the first date.

{i couldn't agree more maddie}

1:54 am...

2010-05-07T01:48:00.007-07:00

dear procrastination,

while i acknowledge we will forever be acquaintances, you should know that we are no longer friends.

till next time,
sharry.

it's all a balancing act...

2010-04-09T15:38:00.007-07:00

there are some things that just shouldn't go together. things that to any rational person's thinking are supposed to be, and should forever remain, separate. stuff like camping and snow storms, hair dryers and bathtubs, steve and disco. and, one might think, 8th graders and electronic ankle bracelets. it's a surreal scene - a 4 foot nothing 14 year old girl, (yep. girl.), moving between classes chatting and laughing with friends, sporting the latest in electronic monitoring devices as casually as she would a new pair of vans. it hurts your eyes. not to mention your heart. i don't care who you are, how cynical you've become regarding "the youth of today". that's sad.

and then there's this beautiful contradiction.

the underdog and the victory.

it does a heart good.

a simple truth...

2010-04-07T15:53:00.006-07:00

with bated breathe...

2010-03-29T16:40:00.015-07:00

so if the general young women's broadcast is any indication, then i can hardly wait for general conference this weekend.

maddie and i attended the broadcast together. our relationship can be a little tenuous at times - she is 16. i am not. i am a mother, specifically her mother, and, as is wont to happen in such a dynamic, seeing things in the same light can sometimes be a challenge. but on this particular saturday, for a whole hour and a half, we sat side by side listening, laughing and fully enjoying the spirit being shared by the chosen speakers. we were totally on the same page. in sync. it was wonderful and i savored every moment.

i think our favorite talk was by president uchtdorf.

he spoke with such passion about our eternal nobility that it was hard not to walk a little taller as we left the meeting. i truely appreciated his reminder that we are not just mothers, not just young women, but we are, in every literal sense, daughters of a King. heirs to a kingdom beyond anything ever imagined in fairytales, full of promise for an eternal happily ever after.

love you maddie, so happy that we got to share this.

roll on conference...

ignoring the inevitable...

2010-03-18T14:07:00.014-07:00

connor is 18 today

1992 - 9lb 6oz...21" long
2010 - 152lbs...5' 11" tall

comparing those sizes, and thinking back on the feelings i had as i first caught sight of the chunk of boy heaven laying on my belly just moments after his birth, i realize that those initial feelings haven't really changed any. i am still absolutely head over heels in love. still completely besotted by the sheer presence of him in my life. unable to even consider that there was a time when he wasn't a part of this family, when he wasn't mine. like his birth, raising this boy hasn't always been sunshine and happiness. there've been times when i was sure neither one of would survive the ordeal. but we did, and as we mothers like to say, "it was all worth it..."

i know he's grown, all man-like and everything...but it catches in my throat, and makes my chest hurt more than a little to think of him as anything but my blue-eyed baby boy.

and so i won't.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY...

i love you.

grat·i·tude: noun...

2010-03-11T21:53:00.012-07:00

going through a list of vocabulary words last week, {in one of my inclusion classes}, the teacher wrote the word gratitude on the board and asked the class for its definition and any of its synonyms. they are by no means a shy group of kids, so i was surprised, and more than a little disheartened, by the lapse in response time. the word seemed totally foreign to them. we have a couple of lds kids in that class and i was relieved when one of them finally broke the silence and quietly offered the definition...

grat·i·tude
(grāt'ĭ-tōōd') n. the state of being grateful; thankfulness.
he expressed his gratitude to everyone on the staff.

i know that as members of the church we don't have a monopoly on the principle of gratitude, but it is a principle we've been taught from our earliest days as members. for all our lives some of us. it's a virtue we are encouraged to seek after daily; to be grateful, to refine continually the ability to see the blessing that fill our days and share with the lord our thankfulness for them. as this senario quickly played out i was humbled by the thought that simply knowing the definition of gratitude should be the least demonstration of our understanding. i recognized that all too often i fall short in my expression of gratitude.

in an effort to be more aware of the many blessings that surround me i plan to keep a running log of just some of those things that make me smile and feel happy. things i am grateful for, both great and small. and because there is opposition in all things, i'll also take note of those not so pleasing things, things that make us appreciate the good we see.

so to that end...

by small and simple things...

2010-03-11T20:39:00.015-07:00

these are just a few things that made me smile and feel happy in recent days...

one of those itty-bitty smart cars parked beside a big old suburban
the sight of a student skipping across the empty school quad when he thought nobody was watching
pizookies
we've had rain
i have laughed out loud with every one of the kids

things that made me not so happy...

the "woman" who loudly scolded the crying 4 year old in barnes and noble the other night...
and the fact that she was even more annoyed when the poor thing didn't stop! go figure...
the skipping student stopping when he saw me
there are more than a few dishes in my sink
my new pant size

{actual size}

three little words...

2010-03-07T17:19:00.000-07:00

sweet 16

{finally}

.....

oh, and three more little words...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MADDIE.

we love you.

the reciprocal nature of - they may not remember what you say, but they'll never forget how you made them feel...

2010-03-04T15:34:00.030-07:00

i work at one of our local junior high schools as an aid in the special ed department. one of my classes is particularly...how do i say this using my kind words...uhmmm...spirited? challenging? remind-me-why-i'm-doing-this-before-i-shoot-myself demanding? you get the idea. they all have needs. they all have issues. and all are extremely gifted in the art of button pushing. yet despite it all i can't help myself, and i find that i like these kids, even love some of them. most days.

today was a most-days day; a humble reminder of why we do what we do, and why i'll show up for work in the morning.

after cutting his thumb on the plastic casing of a pen, which he had deliberately stomped to death with the heal of his shoe just moments before...instead of reading, mind you...he sheepishly came to me with a blood spotted tissue, all but asking for help. as i got up to get him a bandaid i gave him my requisite two bits, "this is what happens...if you'd been reading...you're a smart boy...make smarter choices...blah, blah, blah...". i unwrapped the first bandaid and he put his hand forward to take it from me so he could apply it himself. but old maternal instincts die hard, and i found myself motioning for him to give me his hand. as i gently, though somewhat absently wrapped the first cut, and then a second, he smiled, and just as absently said the kindest and nicest words i had heard all day.

"you're such a mom..."

{i love you too.}

waxing poetic...

2010-02-18T23:54:00.013-07:00

Kiss Unnoticed.

Almost.

Rushing to get to her next class

The girl hurriedly steps from the frigid outdoors

Into the din of hall F.

The bustling corridor happily welcomes her in.

It’s warm air gently brushes against her cheeks,

Kissing them quickly

With the seasoned agility of a mother’s lips

Against the face of a harried child

Already late for play.

The kiss goes unnoticed by the girl.

Almost.

Because, although she can’t explain it

And the moment barely perceivable,

The girl is touched by a memory.

And the girl is at peace.

And all is right with the world.

We've been doing a unit on poetry in the 7th grade language arts class where i'm an aid.

i'm learning all sorts of figurative languagey things like...

similie, alliteration, assonance.

onomatopoeia. (i spelled that without having to look it up! please be impressed.)

anyway, i thought i'd try my hand.

maybe i should just stick with the waxing part and call it good.

i feel it my duty to warn you...

2010-01-16T22:20:00.003-07:00

DO NOT GO AND SEE

"THE LOVELY BONES"

IT'S CRAP!!!

questionable parenting tip...

2010-01-14T15:55:00.013-07:00

#72

despite the pleading, the begging, and even the well thought-out argument or two, find any excuse possible not to take your 17 year old son to get his driver's license.

instead, decide that december 31st, with the promise of parties and a cute date, is by far, the smartest, most hands-down best time on the face of the earth to have him do it.

questionable parenting tip...

2010-01-10T17:33:00.005-07:00

do everything for your children.

do not have set chores.

do not have expectations.

do not require them pull their weight.

instead, hand them life on a silver platter.

require them to help only when you are bored and restless...and in need of a good argument on what constitutes fairness to fill the void.

this started out as a post about one thing, and ended up being a post about something else completely...

2009-12-07T22:52:00.042-07:00

the arizona sun-gods have packed their bags and moved on to more southern climes.

finally, i think to myself, they get the hint.

it is cold. it is raining. it is windy.

i am loving it.

even indoors it's a little on the nippy side.

actually, it's a lot on the nippy side.

but i refuse to turn on the heat.

i am revelling.

suck it up i tell the children.

put on a sweater. run around. find some socks. suck it up i say.

i vow not to complain when i go to bed later, and my sheets feel like ice.

i will steal steven's warmth.

and he will let me. with only minimal resistence.

i am reminded of home.

australia home.

not arizona home.

it feels a lot like adelaide weather.

cold. wet. windy.

so stinkin' cold.

i feel lucky to be snug in my house, and not running in the rain to catch the #10 bus after work.

and with that thought,

i am feeling a little homesick.

more than a little actually.

i come to realize i am wallowing.

suck it up i tell myself.

make dinner. run some errands. fold some socks.

i find i have to repeat myself. more than once even.

just suck it up i say. a little louder each time.

and suddenly.

i am struck by the selective deafness which so often plagues my children.

it is quiet.

the rain has stopped.

the sun-gods are already planning their return.

'tis the season to be jolly...

2009-12-05T00:30:00.008-07:00

click below when christmas mania is wreaking havoc with your christmas spirit.

you may want to bookmark the site. i have the feeling you're going to need it more than once. while it's not necessarily a christmas site, i like to think of it as the gift that just keeps on giving...

www.thingstobehappyabout.com

introducing the new gilbert p.d. K-9 unit...

2009-12-04T23:24:00.015-07:00

the strain of the current economy seems to be taking it's toll on everyone and everything. from education, to construction, to retail; no-one seems to be immune. and gilbert's finest is no exception.

while some programs have been cut completely,

others have been? uhm...

...downsized.

they're still working out some kinks.

....

don't be fooled by the innocent who?-me? routine.

trust me. she'd eat your face for breakfast.

we were a little wigged out during family home evening tonight...

2009-11-09T21:12:00.007-07:00

we ended up with a bunch of wigs...

(never mind how or why)

this is what we did with them.

somehow the girls ended up looking way more masculine...

and liam? not so much.

the mullet...

business in front.

party in the back.

like mother, like son.

questionable parenting tip...

2009-11-03T06:37:00.007-07:00

keep a messy house.

this ensures that when your daughter's new young womens presidency requests an impromtu visit for sunday afternoon, you will have to race home and involve everyone in the family in a code-red, 911 clean-up, thereby negating anything you've ever taught about keeping the sabbath day holy.

how i spent my halloween...

2009-10-31T22:24:00.005-07:00

i pretended to be a photographer...

at a very real wedding.

the happy couple

tony & lydia

YYY

october 31, 2009

YYYYY

beautiful kyliegh

official flower girl

handsome mason

official chunky monkey

YYY

economics...

2009-10-29T16:06:00.002-07:00

i love that sometimes, just sometimes, the simple things in life win out.

a face full of joy and satisfaction at finally getting his very own library card...$5.00

detour by the local Q.T. for a green apple slushie and a bag of flaming hot cheetos...$2.18

one on one time spent together as he shared his wise-beyond-his-years take on life...priceless

the compultion of 'all or nothing' and how it can be counter-intuitive to writing a blog...

2009-09-24T23:30:00.011-07:00

sometimes i really wish i had full-on O.C.D.

i should clarify that by saying that i want the helpful kind. i want the kind that cleans house, sends out christmas cards and appreciates the relevance of balancing the check book. i do not want the kind that compels me to wash my hands all day long, or makes me think i need to tap my chin eleven times every time someone says the words can i and go in the same sentence. i think i do have some form of O.C.D., though it is neither the helpful nor the weirded out kind. mine is more specialized. it usually manifests itself in the form of completely obsessing about whatever it is i am "into" at the time to the utter exclusion of almost everything else. these exclusions include, but are not limited to, my husband and children and their basic need for a half way decent meal, clean clothes and the remembering that scouts is every tuesday night.

which brings me in a somewhat random, round about way to blogging, and why i haven't done it for so long. i found i was becoming more than just a little obsessed. the hours spent keeping up with family, friends and complete strangers from every corner of the world got to the point of ridiculous. there's the obsessive writing and posting - the endless editing and re-editing required when one deludes herself into thinking she has to keep up with the upper echelon of blogging society can be exhausting...what with all their quick wit, really good grammar, and the ability to tell some of the most amazing stories through words or pictures. i was feeling the pressure. and i don't even want to talk about the sick and twisted world of commenting. ok. i will say this. you know you have a problem when you're checking to see if anyone commented on the comment you left on someone elses comment box. lets just leave it at that shall we. oh, i almost forgot about the counter and that traffic thing that tells who and how many have come from where. those things are like crack to the compulsive blogger/stalker!

which brings us to this. though i'm not sure what "this" is. a reason. an excuse. part of a 12 step program? i don't know. i do know my laundry still isn't done and liam get's to scouts only about every other week. i've limited myself to family blogs, with just a few extras i allow myself to enjoy. i have even limited myself to minimal comments, which is no small feat considering that talking in any shape or form comes from the deep end of my gene pool.

in reality i never really stopped writing.
i've probably written a thousand different posts in my head.
one day i'll write them somewhere else.
maybe even here.

after i get dinner on of course...

questionable parenting tip...

2009-08-12T09:05:00.003-07:00

#22

on the first day of school be sure that your children are freshly showered and neatly dressed, have had somewhat of a decent breakfast and that most of the required school supplies are packed squarely in their recycled-from-last-year backpacks.

DO NOT however take one. single. photograph. of any of them! in an attempt to capture the newness and innocence of the new school year. When, much later in the day, you realize your back-to-school faux pas kid yourself into believing that it's okay. you have other pictures of them. it will not matter in 20 years that they don't have pictures to look back on and share with their own children as they begin school. and my personal favorite...you'll always remember what they looked like.

also be sure and forget to pack at least one child's lunch. this ensures a trip to the school, thereby laying the responsibility of getting said lunch to said child at the feet of an already harried group of elementary school office staff. because we all know they need more to do on the first day of school. right?!

oh...and instead of looking it up the night before, just write the bus number he should ride home after school on the front of the lunch sack. and then pray real hard he reads it.

2009-06-22T12:52:00.007-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAITLIN

we LOVE you

Caitlin you're 19 today.

it is amazing to think that 19 years have passed since i held you in my arms that very first time and listened, relieved, to the loud welcome-to-the-world squall only a newborn can get away with. i remember crying myself as i looked at you, kissing and touching every inch of your naked little body...just marvelling at this everyday miracle that stared back at me with eyes so big, and so dark i was completely lost in them. i've never quite found my way out i don't think; i'm not really looking for an exit. in those first few weeks i could barely stand to have you out of my sight. who knew that 19 years later you'd be celebrating your birthday a thousand miles away, clear across the country, sunning it up in florida!

you were born on a friday, we came home from the hospital on saturday, and by sunday afternoon we were over at stephen and donna's place gingerly, but excitedly, showing you off to all your young cousins who'd waited and longed for you about as much as your father and i had. i think back now on those early moments and i'm touched and amazed at their significance. it seems completely natural, fitting even, that you are with all of them, sitting on a beach somewhere in florida soaking up not only the sea and the sun but the love and the laughter that has always been a part of your lives together.

they too are 19 years on, with wives and husbands and babies of their own; all now a part of this ever loving, ever expanding, mutual admiration society we like to call family.

happy birthday pie baby.

enjoy every minute of it!

i love & miss you all...

it's a love hate thing...

2009-06-08T09:30:00.015-07:00

-
i love summer. love it. love it. love. it.

i love the memories and emotions it evokes, the feeling of freedom it brings. i even love the arizona heat, (though i do tend to get a little cranky when i'm still burning my hand on the steering wheel in september). no more school. no more stupid school projects. no more making school luches at 5:30 in the morning. the need for schedules and organization is reduced to a bear minimum...and so is my guilt level at not having them in the first place. i love it because the kids are home and we get to be together more. that is, i love it until i hate it, when the steady stream of comings and goings begins and one or the other of us is leaving for some individual summer trip. this summer, liam and i are pretty much staying put, although i am staying the most put; lou will at least get do the whole sleepover thing with his buddies for most of the summer, domonoing from one house to another, which to an 11 year old is like a mini vacation 50 times over.
-
and so it begins...maddie was gone last week to girls camp, 'nuf said, and caitlin managed a quick road trip with all her girlfriends and was gone friday and most of saturday.
-
connor left this morning, bright and early, and eager i might add, with his young mens priest group on their super activity to moab. it's an area in southern utah known for anything and everything wild lifey and outdoorsie. including white water river rafting, which is what the boys and their leaders will be doing for 3 or 4 of the six days they are gone. i miss him already. there's always this little void in the house after i drop steven or one of the kids off to go somewhere and i know they're not just at work or a friends house for a few hours.
-
so connor will get home saturday and the following monday maddie leaves for efy for a week. all i'm going to say is...fingers crossed, hope this works!
-
while maddie is gone, caitlin will leave for a two week vacation in florida. she'll spend some time with dinah and sariah and then head to the coast to beach it up with donna, stephen and the rest of the smylie clan. i am happy for her, i am not jealous has recently become my new mantra, repeated with increasing frequency.
-
and somewhere amid all of that, steve will head up north-ish to prescott for about 4 days. admittedly it's for work, and he'll only an hour or two away, but it is out of town, involves a hotel and is devoid of children and the responsibilities thereof. that's a holiday any way you slice it! i may see if i can head up there for a my own little sleepover. *wink* i know, 'nuf said...sorry.

but then june ends. and july arrives. and we are out of here, headed for the beach in california and the summer trip that ties us all back together.

and i'm in i love with it, and them, all over again.
-

she's home...

2009-06-07T09:40:00.004-07:00

madeline got home yesterday. happy and healthy.

did you have a good time?

yep...

are you glad you stayed?

yep...

was i right?

yep.

and cue the sweet strains of the hallelujah chorus...

maybe we should have named him samson...

2009-06-06T18:57:00.013-07:00

this was liam shortly after he got up this morning.

truth be told i love his hair long. the rebel locks falling against that angel face are a contradiction i can live with most of the time. but then it gets to a point and it just has to go. that point was today. when i first offered to buzz his hair he politely declined, but since we aren't above the use of bribery with our kids steve was easily able to buy his resistence with the promise of a blizzard ice cream.

there's no going back now.

we kind of tossed around the idea of trying to revive the mullet...

but came to our senses when we remembered we're not from kentucky and neither of our respective parents were related before they married each other...

he's thrilled he won't have to comb it for at least 6 weeks.

you gotta love summer...

...and that face.

prayers, faith and tough love; welcome to girls camp...

2009-06-04T15:23:00.028-07:00

-
sometimes parenting can be hard. and by sometimes i mean mostly, usually, almost always. you have to know things, you have to explain things, you have to do things...and you have to do them right. it's important for all the lives that depend on you that you get it right. and while everyone knows and expects that sometimes you'll get it wrong, the greater expectation seems to be that we get it more than right most of the time, (something like 99.9% of the time!). there's a lot of pressure. sometimes the decisions we have make are tough. they're not always black and white. many times they require more knowledge and understanding than we as mere mortals possess. there's a lot they leave out of the plethora of parental handbooks that no-one has time to read because we're too busy raising kids. lately i've found myself subscribing more and more to a fingers-crossed-hope-this-works methodology. the knowledge that we have a higher source of inspiration just a prayer away is a wonderful comfort...but still, motherhood, fatherhood...it's not for the faint hearted, the weakly constituted. parenthood is not for sissies. -

nor apparently is girls camp. maddie is there right now. she left tuesday to take part in the 4th year high adventure activities which seem to be a right of passage in our stake, one in which the girls get really excited. of course maddie's never really been one just to run with the crowd. over the past weeks, as i've thrown admittedly over-the-top words of encouragement at her about the uber-fantastically good time she's going to have at camp, her enthusiasm has grown from a lack luster whatever!? to a sardonic wonderful!. to the ears of a mother this is equivelent to hearing the hallelujah chorus. we'll take fake enthusiasm over no enthusiasm any day!
-
by the time we get to the stake center tuesday morning she is glad to be going; she's happy to see all her friends and with a measurable level of excitement waves me goodbye. but then yesterday, wedensday, almost as a HA! i told you so, i get a call from the camp nurse. they've pulled madeline from the 4th year camp due to dehydration, headache, stomachache and nausea, all associated with heat exhaustion. throw in a smattering of homesickness and you've got a lethal combination of angst. she was done with it all, they had a ride home for her and she wanted to take it. what did i want her to do they wondered?! suddenly i found myself thrown into the middle of one of those really tough, not so black and white descisions. the question was, should i be the nice, kind, drippy-sweet mother that maddie wanted, the one that says, "my poor baby, come home immediately", or was i supposed to be the one she needed, the heart-wrenched, but tough-loving type that says, "hey. i love ya babe, but here's why you need to stay...and so here's what you're gonna to do..."?
-
i went with heart-wrenched. we eventually arrived at the same understanding, and with a promise that i would come get her today if it turned out to be more heat exhaustion than homesickness, she agreed to stay. i knew given time to rest and recoup maddie would be fine, and that once she was reunited with her friends she'd be glad she stayed. she'd been given a blessing and i knew in my head she was in good and loving hands, but with no further contact i have to admit i was still a little concerned last night as i went to bed. prayers notwithstanding. but the Lord is kind and gracious. this morning i got a visit from paul. he works next door to my office and just happens to be the dad of one of madeline's best friends. he asked how maddie was doing then explained that he was to have been her ride home the day before. he told me how he sat and talked to her and tried to make her laugh, how he just sat with her for a while and watched as her color returned and her mood improved. he told me how he'd offered her another blessing and related how some of maddie's older y.c.l. friends had come over and offered words of friendship and encouragement. maddie has been in his family's home many times and i knew that paul's care and concern would have been familiar and comforting to her. i was grateful for this answer to a prayer that had sat beside maddie yesterday, and was now sitting across from me today. i was grateful to know we'd made the right decision for her to stay, that she was fine, that i didn't need to worry so much anymore.
-
i've uncrossed my fingers. i realize we are never alone in the tough, not so black and white decisions we are required to make as parents, that it doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. sometimes we have to pray harder, trust more and have more faith. sometimes we just need to be patient.
-
and by sometimes i mean mostly. and by mostly i mean always.
-

questionable parenting tip...

2009-05-28T09:54:00.013-07:00

#26

after making at least one attempt to yell up the stairs to your teenage children alerting them to dinner, but getting no response, do not make a further attempt by actually climbing the stairs and offering them the said dinner invitation in a calmer, more nurturing fashion. instead, text them...dinner is ready!...via the cell phones that have now become permanently graphed appendages. in this way they'll immediately know that 1.) dinner is ready and 2.) you have lost your mind. in turn they'll be compelled to come down quickly so as to A.) not put you completely over the edge and B.) catch the 5 o'clock performance of "i am not your maid!".

it's a one woman monologue. they think it's a comedy act.
-

LOL :)

just ignore the doctrinely unsound parts...

2009-05-21T10:19:00.015-07:00

okay...so i don't care what anyone says...i know i have a guardian angel, (reference title). i have long suspected that this is the case; i've had just a few too many close calls. mainly due to my driving skills, or lack thereof, coupled with the questionable knack of being easily distracted, (sarah ledoux and my kids will quickly attest!). there have been so many times in my life where i've thought, ok...that could have and really should have gone very, very badly...and yet i have immerged more or less unscathed.

but now...not less than 5 minutes ago...the proof.

having sucked down nearly all the contents of my 44oz diet coke in less than an hour, i've needed to make more than a few visits to the ladies room, where just moments ago, on my third trip, i got the surprise of my life; there, floating dead in the bowl, was a 2 inch scorpion!!! it kind of freaked my out a little i don't mind saying. i don't know where it had been lurking on my previous visits?! under the seat perhaps!? who knows! i'd rather not speculate. *shiver*

but the one thing i do know for sure. it got what it derserved..

death! instead of a piece of my hiney!

i'm a girl of simple pleasures...

2009-05-21T09:32:00.029-07:00

and i may be over-simplifying things, but...

school is out...

kris allen won idol...

we get to smooch and love on vann this weekend...
oh, we're excited that ali & ben will be here too of course. although the smooching and loving-on thing will be more on the minimal, less weird, side.

and finally. maddie thought i was only 43. she is now my favorite....even if she was telling me i was 43 and too old to be wearing the t-shirt i had borrowed from her at the time.

...all is right with the world.

15's not so bad...

2009-05-18T20:06:00.012-07:00

madeline grace...

from freshman to sophomore...

just. like. that!

they wear camo at military school. right...

2009-05-13T15:53:00.012-07:00

this morning liam and i had a little tete-a-tete...a little battle of wills so to speak...about what he had chosen to wear to school. after making him change out of the shorts he'd worn to school yesterday, and then slept in last night he came back in wearing these crumpled and paint stained, hand-me-down, camo-print cargo pants. not surprising, he failed to see the problem i had with them. while it's just school, no-one cares, what? they're cool, and you're going to make me late are all valid arguments for an 11 year old boy...i just wasn't buying it. but after a quick game of...they're fine/no they're not...i relalized that the real reason i didn't want him wearing them to school, besides the whole paint-stained-camo thing, was because i thought it would reflect badly on me as the mother; he looked like one of those kids, (street wise, smart mouthed. possible smoker), and i didn't want people to think i was one of those mothers, (tattooed and tank-topped with roots). i quickly came to my senses as i reminded myself it was way too late in the school year to worry about what the teachers or other parents thought of me. he's already worn the same clothes two days running...more than once if i'm not mistaken. and the hair...well that's a constant battle of fine/not fine. so fine! wear the painted camo. really...what does it matter - i know he's not a smoker.

just before i was able to relent and give him my blessing he told me, "i'm wearing them!". then high-tailed it out of my bathroom.

to save face i yell behind him, "the only reason you're wearing them is because i gave in!!!"

just so he knew who was boss.

so what did you learn in school today, honey...

2009-05-04T15:34:00.022-07:00

with four kids passing through the elementary school system you quickly become accustomed to the annual reports, projects and clubs specific to each grade. there's the 4th grade zooligy and oceanography trips. the 5th grade famous person "tea at the white house" report. 6th grade has science camp and a greek mythology project where they get to become greek gods and goddesses for a couple of hours. liam is 11 and currently running the 5th grade gauntlet.

which brings us to one of the other annual events specific to the 5th grade...the one that is nowhere near as anticipated; the viewing of "the video". aka "your changing body". aka "what the @$%*!!!". the girls have their version, the boys have theirs. they watch them separately. no big deal, right? when lou brought home the permission slip for me to sign, explaining it was so he could watch a video, and i absently asked him what video? he just looked at me with this pained, exasperated stare that pleased, "seriously? what kind of mother are you...are you really going to make me explain? do i really have to say it? you know...THE video!!!". all week he was dreading it...he would tick of the hours in his mind, then remind me just how much he was dreading it as each day drew him closer towards the inevitable.

finally movie day arrived, and at the end of it he returned home as unimpressed and appalled as he had been when he left that morning. only slightly more disgusted. he walked in the door and before i could even begin to ask how it all went, he shot me the look that said it all. the look that said the video, the visuals (drawings), the handouts, the Q&A session, which i'm sure was more answer than question, had done nothing to quell his concern, only confirm it. the look that said, i really could have done without, thank you very much.

the look that said, "end of discussion."

she says it was worth the wait...

2009-05-02T18:09:00.011-07:00

sophie...

good things come in small packages...

not to mention the ohhhh so cutest of things in the most lovable of packaging.

happy birthday maddie!

above and beyond...

2009-04-17T17:17:00.011-07:00

some 20 years ago, when we were still newlywedish, steven came home from his job as resident computer geek at the now defunct computerland and told me they'd given him his two weeks notice. the store wasn't doing well, times were tough...i don't know, maybe they thought the whole personal computer thing wouldn't really take off. whatever the the reason, his bosses decided they couldn't afford $5.50 an hour for a part-time, no benefits, computer installer. we were pink slipped. we didn't have kids, we were managing a small apartment complex so our rent was next to nothing, we didn't have a car payment or any bills to speak of but i was scared. i remember spending the weekend worrying and fretting over what on earth we were going to do. what would become of us? i kept an eye out for discarded refrigerator boxes thinking if i gathered enough of them we could duct-tape ourselves quite the little love-nest. it turned out to be just one of many times that the Lord had a handle on things in our lives and would see fit to fill us in later.

when we got home from work on the monday there was a phone message waiting. it was from the administration at the town of gilbert police department. if steve was still interested in the police officer job he had spent the last 4 months testing for...it was his. call back at your earliest convenience. we waited just long enough to scream, do the happiest of happy dances, and offer a quick but humble prayer. the next morning steve went to his computer job and told them he'd be gone in a week.

and then, just like that! it's 20 years later. suddenly we're attending a presentation ceremony where steven and 2 other officers are recieving their 20 year service plaques. (they are the first and only officers, so far, to be hired, trained and hit their 20 all through the town of gilbert). 20 years come and gone with about 40 years of living squeezed in between. and in the blink of and eye steve is eligible for retirement. i say eligile because we have a mortgage and four kids. that, and he's only 43. eating bon-bons, travelling the world and getting on each others nerves is going to have to sit on the back burner for a few more years.

while the ensuing years have been filled with more than a few ups and downs...and while the downs, though few and far between, were pretty far down there...i am so grateful that the ups have taken precedence, are countless and have blessed our lives beyond measure.

congratulations babe...i love you.

i'm so glad we get to do this together.

thank you for always taking such good care of us, and always putting the needs of the kids and me first. thank you for going above and beyond in your commitment to protect and serve all who have been lucky enough to cross your path. we love you...

the ultimate teenage trifecta...

2009-04-01T16:24:00.006-07:00

there are some experiences in life that can change our lives in an instant: many times we don't even see them coming, but we know our lives are changed forever. then there are the experiences that roll in slowly, giving us the opportunity to sit and watch as they unfold. an hour and a halfs worth of watching and unfolding to be exact. you sit and wait, and you watch. you watch as he sits carefully perched on the edge of his chair. you watch the nervous knee jiggle. the tell-tale finger tapping. though you can't hear a thing you recognize the thoughtfulness, the deliberateness of each response. all you can do sit and watch. and wait. this is his experience, you are just the mother. but as his mother you can't help but to get caught up in it too. you manage to slip in a prayer hear and there; you've got the time. trust me. you wonder if the Lord is as nervous as the both of you. (i know He knows the ending already, but i like to think He sometimes worries along with us. He's kind that way.) you try really hard to be all, thy-will-be-done and everything...but you know the Lord is really big on life-experience so you know the outcome isn't necessarily a lock. you also know it's not gonna be pretty if the three of you aren't on the same page here. and then it happens. you watch as his shoulders finally relax and he sinks back into the chair. he makes you wait just long enough to put you back on edge before he turns, looks for you and then, trying to stay cool, with an air of it's-really-no-big-deal, he gives you the thumbs up. and just a hint of smile. he's passed! oh, happy day...he's passed...and for a just a moment he is the newest holder of a shiney new arizona driving permit.

there's a quickly whispered thank you-thank you-thank you, and as you smile back, relieved, you come to the realization that life as you know it has suddenly ceased to exist. our lives will never be the same...we have a 17 year old son with a learners permit. oddly, the thought of this makes me more nervous now than it did when he was 15.

did i mention he also has a job and a debit card. i have reason to worry...

it may be just enough to make even the Lord a little nervous!

CONGRATULATIONS CONNOR

we're proud of you.

we love you son.

apparently it's epidemic...

2009-03-26T14:45:00.003-07:00

man cold: the movie...

click the title for a good laugh.

i think i posted this once before...but in honor of the men we all love and adore it probably deserves to be revisited.

i have a man cold

2009-03-26T13:03:00.004-07:00

no this is not sharon. this is her very sick husband steven. i am home battling one of the worst colds i have ever experienced in my life. of course, every man cold is the worse than the other. I awoke at 2 AM with a stuffy nose, aching body, and a slight fever. i checked on the internet and found that the pain men endure as a result of a man cold is like giving birth. i don't know who infected me, but they will pay. i asked sharon what i should take to combat this horrible illness, she replied, "just take something from the medicine cabinet." i tried to cough and groan louder when sharon was by my side, but it was as if she was oblivious to my pain. where is the compassion for the man cold. i am somewhat disappointed about the lack of empathy from the female population. i guess i will just call my mother and have her bring over some chicken soup and ice cream (my throat is on fire). if you have any suggestions on how to combat the man cold please let me know.

seventeen...

2009-03-18T02:53:00.008-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONNOR

i can't believe you're 17

i'm sorry i'm not there today, but i so love and appreciate your understanding that sometimes there are others' needs that take priority over our own wants. you have such a good heart.

we'll celebrate when i get home.

it's gonna be zompidy...

love you so much...

mum.

it's usually about more than just spilled milk...

2009-03-17T23:38:00.027-07:00

over the course of experience...not to mention years...i have finally come to this conclusion: little kids and their need to express themselves through the fine art of tantruming have really gotten a bum rap. they just might be on to something.

as parents we spend our days teaching our kids how to use their words. how to use them kindly, how to use them respectfully, how to use them happily. we teach them to speak up for themselves, and then quickly regret it when, in the middle of a heated debate about the value of parental decisions, they forget everything they've been taught about kindness, respect and happiness! but i think, credit where credit is due...there are times when they're dead on, and a tantrum, or a variation thereof, is the only obvious choice. there are times when words just don't cut it; when we've thought, and considered, and talked all we can about the seeming unfairness of life, times when we're still as frustrated at the end as we were at the beginning. there are times when a tantrum seems completely within reason. unfortunately as grown ups we don't get to to have tantrums because we're supposed to be grown up.

but a tantrum by any other name can be as cleansing. i call it a good cry. my mother referred to it as a good howl. potato/potahto....the benefits of either are sorely underrated; their cathartic nature not given anywhere near the respect they deserve. and i'm not talking about the pretty-faced, gently-rolling-tear-on-the-cheek sort of crying. it's not quiet and it certainly isn't pretty. it's stuff that might scare the kids...the i'm mad as hell and i'm not gonna take it any more kind of stuff. there are times in the course of motherhood, in the course of life, when things don't quite go as planned, when we don't get what we want, what we think we need. and sometimes what we need is just a really good, loud, howling cry. there was a time when this need was way more frequent than i would have liked. i could feel the pressure rising with no sign of relief. when it was time to blow i'd wait till everyone was in bed, grab a towel and head out to the car. i'd sit in the driveway and just let the flood gates burst wide open. there were tears enough to fill an ocean...it was snotty...there may or may not have been bad words. there was some yelling. there were questions, and surprisingly even a few answers. it took a little minute for everything to empty...i gave my self time. it was wonderful. really. i'd come back in completely exhausted, collapse into bed and sleep like a baby. other times i'd watch a rerun of seinfeld and laugh out loud, (also wonderfully cathartic and sorely underrated.)

emptying all that angst seemed to make room for all the good that i was missing. it was like clearing out a junk closet and making space for all the things that really should've been kept in there in the first place; things like joy, and memories and counted blessings.

in honor...

2009-03-14T21:47:00.021-07:00

it's a double edge sword

the love we have for some;

a love that makes it perfectly natural

to wish upon ourselves their challenges

and their pains so as to spare them the ache of such burdens.

a love that at times we wish we could delegate to others,

but would never relinquish.

sometimes we are married to such people.

sometimes we've given birth to them.

and sometimes, it is our honor to have been born of them.

to share in all three is a gift.

at times we think life would be easier if we didn't love so deeply.

but we know life wasn't meant to be easy.

we know our lives would be less than complete were it not for the love we've shared.

what blessing,

what tender mercy it is

to share in a love

so wide,

and so deep,

it transcends even life itself.

may we each be so blessed...

imperceptible. and yet...

2009-03-11T14:00:00.007-07:00

it's almost imperceptible; the growing and maturing of our children. murphy's law dictates that we won't notice a growth spurt until some harried, all-too-late, sabbath morning when we're scurrying out the door behind them, quietly yelling, "go! go! we're gonna be late! no, it's fine. Ooh...ok, just don't talk to anyone...i'll give you a piece of gum after the sacrament!". it seems only then, somewhere in the 17 steps from the front door to the car, that we become aware of the brazen 3" expanse of sock mocking us from the open space where just the week before his pant leg covered and met the top of his shoe. for a moment you feel bad the poor kid has to spend the next 3 hours in high waters...but embarrasment quickly gives way to reality; this little growth spurt is going to cost you.

much more insidious though is the maturing thing. i don't mean the facial peach fuzz, the body odor, or voice cracking sort of maturity that is the course of life with growing boys. i mean the sneaky, totally under the wire, they're-growing-up-despite-my-best-efforts sort of stuff. the sort of stuff that only means something to those to whom it means something; like mothers. it's the sort of stuff that when it happens, we not only see and hear it...we feel it. somewhere deep within. we can actually feel the vice grip that binds a mother's heart to a child's soul tighten; it turns ever so slightly, as if to get a better hold of what it knows is slipping away. it takes just a nano second, it's almost imperceptible, but it pinches, just a little...just enough to get your attention. and it's not the big stuff that gets to you...stuff like, "i can get my permit in 7 months", or "ok then, i'm off to college!". it's the little things that catch you off guard...

the other afternoon i was dozing on the couch, happily floating back and forth between sweet oblivion and the real world. on one of my brief returns to reality i hear liam ask steven if he could go to a friend's house. given the ok he calls justin and i hear him say..."dude! ya wanna hang out?!". he's 11. he has dudes instead of friends...i can handle that part. it's the second part that killed me...the wanna-hang-out part. when did he mature from, "hey, can you play?" to, "dude! ya wanna hang out?!"? to anybody else they're just simple words. you could argue semantics till the cows come home, but as mothers we know they really mean, "you better get in all the love, hugs, and cuddles you can. 'cause pretty soon i'm gonna be 6 foot tall, kissing girls and going through days when i don't really like you!?" ok. so maybe i'm over thinking things. maybe. (i tend to do that. it's a gift.).

but at times such as these, i can't help but be thankful the Lord is so incredibly, undeniably clever; His thinking well ahead that a mother's heart needed to be made out of some revolutionary, virtually indestructable substance is nothing short of pure genius! He knew it needed to be strong. tough enough to withstand the possibility of breakage, yet pliable enough to bend and reshape itself to the endless and varying needs of everyone, and everything, around it. it needed the ablilty to filter in the good stuff, while simultaneously ridding itself of all the bad that can crowd around and weigh down the human heart. it needed to breathe. breathe life and love into everything it touched. it needed to be able to grow well beyond limits anybody might think neccessary...and yet still have room for more. Most importantly, He knew it would need to be self-healing.

i can't help but think...if the titanic had been built of such stuff she never would have sunk.

JOY, thy name is ellen...

2009-03-03T16:06:00.028-07:00

this is ellen.

she is my niece.

i love her.

i have always loved her.

but this is why i love her even more than usual...

she just found 68

of my lost forever blog posts!

i think they go from most recent all the way back to sometime in april of 2008! she said she pulled up an rss feed and there they were?! i don't know...i know nothing about these things...but if anybody else out there knows anything about the wonderful workings of the word wide web? please, cross your fingers and give it a try. i'll be your best friend! ellen just copy and pasted the posts to word...i think?...and then emailed them to me. again, if you're just sitting around twiddling your thumbs and feeling like it might be a fun exercise to indulge my needs...go ahead. it's a free country. BFF's!!!

and remember...

A L L H A I L, E L L E N

patron saint of lost posts

sit! stay! roll over, and just go with it....

2009-02-28T16:55:00.017-07:00

W A N T E D

1 cute, fluffy, lap-dog wanna be

puppy to pretty young

small to not-so-big

preferably female

free-ish to within the realm of reality

breed is negotiable

---

for some reason i have this phobic thing about parties; not so much the going to...it's more about the hosting of. pretty much the thought of being responsible for the success of any kind of party is cause for night sweats and hives. i didn't want a 16th birthday party, even though my mother was fairly adamant that i did and knew i would one day regret my youth induced disdain, (it should be noted that i remain, thus far, regret free). i would've been happy to have taken the money and run instead of having a wedding reception, blissful as the day was. i've never hosted a pampered chef, mary kay, or any other in-home shopping party: not even as a favor for friends...or family. sorry geraldine.

with 4 kids and the pesky annual occurence of birth dates, the avoidance of party giving has been a little dicey, and i'll admit there have been times i've given in to the begging and the tears and the promises of, "i'll-do-everything!". i tell you all this because the beast has raised it's ugly head yet again...madeline is turning 15 on the 7th, hailing the need for another round of party/no party negotiations. the begging and the promising has been in full swing these past few weeks, so much so that i had finally given in, and as steve and i headed out to costco this morning maddie sat at the computer happily planning her invitations. but just how much do i hate hosting parties you might wonder? enough, that 2 hours later, before i could even stop myself, i was promising her the dog she's also been begging for in trade of the birthday party. yes. i would rather have 8-12 years of poop in the back yard than throw a 4 hour party, so deeply runs my resistance.

and so, we are now in search of a dog. we've spent the better part of the day scrolling through hundreds of pictures and descriptions of poor, forlorn, not to mention pricey canines trying to find one that fits our needs. with not much luck. then i had what i prefer to think of as an epiphany, as opposed to sheer desparation...blog about it! appeal to the masses.

so...if you know anyone who might have what we're looking for please, please, please let us know. leave a comment, or email me at shaddrakk247@yahoo.com. we'll love you forever.

oh, and if you have the number of a good psych...please, feel free to leave that too.

from A to Z...

2009-02-27T11:20:00.014-07:00

this week was steven's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!

traditionally, we go around the family and each of us tells two or three things that we love about the person of honor. it's a wonderful feel good moment for all involved. try it...see if i'm wrong!

so in the spirit of feel good,

here are 26 more things that i love about steve.

he is...

awesome
brave

caring
devoted

educated

funny
grateful

hot

interesting

jenuine*

kind

loved
mine

nuts

outgoing

patient

quirky

real

studdly

taken

unbelievably good looking

virile

wonderful

xactly what i want

yep...

zo, zo unbelievably good looking

I love you!!!

*i do know that genuine is not spelled with 'j'...i just brain cramped on a good 'j' word that's all!

stupid is as stupid does...

2009-02-26T16:47:00.012-07:00

i really can't make myself go in to all the gory details.

i'm not really sure of all the details.

suffice to say...if the title fits. wear it!

so, i decided to delete an email address. somehow, i'm really not sure how, it had become the default address for my blog, and not quite realizing that i was in fact THE email for my site i clicked ok...and puuhfff...it was gone! email address and blog site. puuhfff. gone.

if i think about it too much it makes me sad.

however a conversation i had with lou, as he questioned the above pictures, helped me feel no less stupid...but at least a little better about it all.

"mum, why did you post those? you're not stupid."

"i accidentally deleted my blog page...it's all gone"

"it's all gone?"

"yep, it's all gone.?

"it's ALL gone?!"

"yep!"

then, with accompaning head tilt, an i'm-sorry grin and soft pats on the shoulder...

"everything but the memories, huh!?"

i've spent the last day or so having a grand time wallowing at my very own pity party. but today i decided to finally get a grip, and get a perspective that's grounded somewhere nearer to reality. i am reminded that in the grand scheme of things it's just a blog. not a loved one. not a job. not my home. it's just a blog. replacable.

and so i am getting over myself, getting real and declaring....

DO OVER!!!